so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
