dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
