I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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