I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
