dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
