so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sobbing to NWA
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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