you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
