i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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