butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
