So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
