Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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