I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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