he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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