Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
