I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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