The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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