It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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