She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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