He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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