I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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