pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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