I wish I only lived at night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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