i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
