What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
