ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
