no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You made out with two different species that night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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