i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
