So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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