So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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