I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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