i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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