turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
