happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
