I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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