I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
