Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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