these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
