Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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