I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
