It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
