u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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