Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
