At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
