I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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