she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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