i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
