nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
