Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
