I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
