I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
