A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
