I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
try to milk me bitch
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