One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
