Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
