real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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