maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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