I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
