I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
