I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
