Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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