he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
