I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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