U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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