If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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