Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
