it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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