i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
