eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
