I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
