Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
