if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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